Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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