So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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