Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
