I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
