Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
