Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
