thus making me awesome and them whores
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you inspire me to be a worse person
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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