Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
two words: eviction party
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
