so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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