Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
