she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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