Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Randomize
