so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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