clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My feet surprised me
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