Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize