so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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