Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
