put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
