If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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