at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
