your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
