She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
