Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
