I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Randomize
