super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
