So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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