Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
