my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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