Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
