I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
