I need help removing her.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Be still, my beating vagina.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize