I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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