i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
