you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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