okay pat passed out under dana's car
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
