sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
