Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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