So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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