People in love make me want to vomit
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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