Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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