I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
