He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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