Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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