yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Congratulations! We have a period
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
