On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
