Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
