How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
