bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Randomize
