just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
