The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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