Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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