dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize