Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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