They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
