u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Tell her she can't have a vagina
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
