Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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