were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
