Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
