So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
